totalfilm

The TV Character: The embittered proprietor of Moe's Tavern who seems to grow more misanthropic, mean-spirited and downright suicidal with every passing season. He's great though, isn't he?

The Movie Version: Hank Azaria takes the spotlight asMoe gets his own spin-off adventure in which he attempts to turn over a new leaf and become a more philanthropic soul. Think As Good As It Gets, only with Simpsons characters.

Dream Director: David Silverman did The Simpsons Movie, so he's probably best qualified for the job.

The TV Character: A member of the DC comics stable, Green Arrow makes several appearances in Smallville as a kind of anti-hero figure who fully believes the ends justify the means in matters of crime-fighting. A billionaire, his weapon of choice is a bow and a set of niftily customised arrows.

The Movie Version: With Batman retired, DC need some new blood to freshen up their roster? Why not Green Arrow? As for who should play him, Armie Hammer would tick both boxes as plausible billionaire and man of action. If this was successful, he could also be added to the roster for the upcoming JLA movie…

Dream Director: If DC are keen on Ben Affleck for JLA, why not give him some superhero experience with this one?

The TV Character: An Aussie teenager with dreams of becoming a rock and roll star, Pugwall got into various scrapes on a week-by-week basis before usually finding the opportunity to rock out at the end of each episode. On a side-note, his bass player looked remarkably like Dirk Kuyt.

The Movie Version: Liam Hemsworth plays a grown-up Pugwall in this Waynes World-style rock parody. Dirk Kuyt takes a non-speaking role as the aforementioned bass player.

Dream Director: Todd Phillips seeks to make amends for the disappointing Hangover sequel with this one. 

The TV Character:Glee's deliciously spiky cheer squad coach, who provides a welcome injection of spite into a cloyingly saccharine show.

The Movie Version: Ignoring the fact that a Glee movie is almost a certainty, we'd like to see Jane lynch in a Sue Sylvester spin-off in which she moves to a new school and puts herself at loggerheads with the more idealistic members of the faculty staff. We're thinking a black, bitchy comedy in the vein of Young Adult.

Dream Director: Will Gluck did high-school snark to excellent effect on Easy A, so he's the man for us.

The TV Character: The Princess of Power is He-Man's twin sister, and is every bit as badass as her more celebrated brother. Time then that she had a movie, no?

The Movie Version: We're envisioning this as a live-action fantasy epic, with Jennifer Lawrence taking the leading role and Josh Holloway dropping in as her more famous sibling. It would be ever-so-slightly camp, as has always been the case with these characters.

Dream Director: Jon Favreau isn't directing Iron Man any more, so we'd snap him up for this instead.

The TV Character: David Hasselhoff's big-haired lifeguard was the focal point of Baywatch alongside Pamela Anderson and Yasmin Bleeth. That said, we probably wouldn't have noticed if he wasn't there…

The Movie Version: We'd pick up with Mitch ten years down the track, nursing a chronic drinking problem and taking advantage of some of the more nubile swimmers in this black comedy about a man undergoing a midlife crisis. Hasselhoff returns, albeit with a less clean-cut demeanour.

Dream Director: This one is pure Terry Zwigoff. Think Bad Santa and you're halfway there.

The TV Character: Steve Buscemi's guest sports on 30 Rock have been a recurring highlight, playing bungling private investigator Len Wosniak with his trademark offbeat charm. One of his most bizarre characters, which is saying something.

The Movie Version: A Len-centric spin-off in which our bizarre but loveable hero gets way out of his depth in a case involving some seriously shady customers. An off-beam noir with Buscemi in the lead and a strange streak a mile wide.

Dream Director: We'll have Buscemi to direct as well while we're at it. We've always thought Trees Lounge was grossly underrated.

The TV Character: Rowan Atkinson's supremely sarky malcontent, perenially trying to claw himself into the good life, whether by escaping the First World War or currying favour with Queen Elizabeth.

The Movie Version: Could we get the old gang back together for one last outing? Perhaps Blackadder could crop up in ancient Rome? Or the swinging '60s? To be honest, there are lots of possible eras to choose from! 

Dream Director: We should probably give Richard Curtis the honour, seeing as he's co-creator and all that.

The TV Character: The torture-happy big gun of America's elite counter-terrorism unit, Jack Bauer has been beating answers out of all manner of terrorist scum for eight series of 24. When will his big-screen bow arrive?

The Movie Version: A 24 movie has been talked about for years now, only to repeatedly be delayed. We'd love to see it happen, although the real-time gimmick would have to be dropped, for obvious reasons. That said, we'd still want to see the clock come up at regular intervals. It wouldn't be the same without it! Nor without Kiefer in the leading role...

Dream Director: Paul Greengrass has an excellent track record at handling nerve-shredding action.

The TV Character: Jeremy Piven's scene-stealing agent is far and away the best thing in Entourage. Surely he's done enough to warrant a more exclusive stint in the spotlight?

The Movie Version: This would be a mockumentary with Piven playing Gold as the representative of a host of real-life celebrities, all of whom would be playing nightmarish versions of themselves.

Dream Director: Rob Reiner would be the dream pick. Spinal Tap in Hollywood? Yes please.

The TV Character: "An ordinary teddybear. When he was made, they found something wrong with him and threw him away like a piece of rubbish, into an old dark storeroom. Then, from outer space, a spotty man brought him to life with his cosmic dust. He took him to a magic cloud where Mother Nature gave him special powers. That bear became… SUPERTED!"

The Movie Version: A Pixar animation starring the vocal talents of Martin Freeman as Superted, Stephen Fry as Spotty Man, Tommy Lee Jones as Texas Pete and Alan Cumming as Skeleton.

Dream Director: Terry Gilliam. Somebody send him a script!

The TV Character: The leading man in Kevin Smith's prematurely cancelled supernatural comedy Reaper, Sam's soul belongs to the devil, a state of affairs that puts him squarely in Big Red's debt. As Lucifer's property he is soon put to work as a "reaper", a bounty hunter of lost souls.

The Movie Version: Seeing as the show was cancelled after two seasons, it would be perfect for a big screen reboot, particularly as the premise is a juicy one. We'd cast Jesse Eisenberg in the leading role with Anna Kendrick as his feisty love interest and Bill Murray as the Devil.

Dream Director: This one should definitely return to Kevin Smith's capable hands.

The TV Character: The smooth-talking ladies man of Saved By The Bell, always one step ahead of silly old Mr. Belding and his "rules". Rules were made to be broken, right Zack?

The Movie Version: Mark-Paul Gosselaar returns to the role as we catch up with Zack in his late thirties, still living off the glory days of high school as he attempts to set about a reunion. Is he doomed to stay a frat boy forever, or can he avert a mid-life crisis before it's too late?

Dream Director: Alexander Payne directs this bittersweet tale of arrested development.

The TV Character: The leading lady in The Secret World Of Alex Mack, Alex was involved in a road accident that drenched her in a weird chemical. As a result, she winds up with all sorts of bizarre powers and in hiding from a sinister chemical company.

The Movie Version: Teen-friendly adventure movie ahoy. Jennifer Lawrence would have been a decent fit for Alex were she not already engaged in another fantasy franchise. Instead, we'll go for Chloe Moretz, with Joan Allen starring as the villainous Danielle Atron, CEO of the chemical plant responsible for Alex's transformation.

Dream Director: Gary Ross was shunted off The Hunger Games too soon. We'd give him as long as he wanted to get this one right.

The TV Character: Will Arnett's scene-stealing magician from Arrested Development, which happily will be returning to our screens sooner rather than later.

The Movie Version: We'd love to see an Arnett-starring GOB spin-off in which our hero pitches up in Las Vegas in order to secure a coveted spot in one of the venues on the strip. Will he be able to make it happen without winding up in all manner of hilarious mishaps? What do you think…

Dream Director: It really needs to be series creator Mitchell Hurwitz. No shoddy knock-offs, please.

The TV Character: The dissolute, booze-addled patriarch of Shameless's Gallagher clan. Oh, and for the record, we're talking about the British version, obviously.

The Movie Version: An estate-set comedy starring Paddy Considine as Frank, with Sally Hawkins, Thomas Turgoose, Joe Gilgun and Perry Benson playing various other friends and relatives. No prizes for guessing who we want to direct…

Dream Director: Yep, it's Shane Meadows of course. Or Ken Loach if you want to make it a bit more kitchen sink.

The TV Character: The ladykilling proprietor of Cheers, the bar where everybody knows your name. Big personality, even bigger hair.

The Movie Version: A deadly serious remake in which Sam finds his bar struggling to compete with the recession and the opening of a chain sports pub two blocks over. Struggling to make ends meet, Sam allows some local mobsters to use his back room as a meeting place, but soon finds himself out of his depth with some very bad people. Leonardo DiCaprio stars in the leading role.

Dream Director: Martin Scorsese returns to the underworld to helm this one.

The TV Character: The straight-laced Canadian mountie who moves to Chicago in culture-clash crime comedy Due South. David Marciano (who recently cropped up in Homeland) co-starred as his wise-cracking police partner.

The Movie Version: We haven't had a good old-fashioned mismatched buddy comedy in years, and it's high time we did! If Chris Hemsworth could do the accent, he'd make a great Fraser, but genuine Canuck Taylor Kitsch would also do. As for his partner, we'd nominate Bradley Cooper.

Dream Director: Paul Haggis created the original series, so it's only right that he get the chance to do the big screen version.

The TV Character: Seinfeld's loveable putz, George Costanza (loosely written by Larry David as a parody of himself) is the ultimate cosmic chew-toy, a man for which nothing will ever go right, purely because seeing it go wrong is so damn funny.

The Movie Version: We'd like to see a big-screen version of the pitch Larry gives both Jason Alexander and Julia Louis Dreyfuss in Curb Your Enthusiasm, in which Alexander plays a version of himself struggling to escape the typecasting brought about by his role as Costanza.

Dream Director: Larry Charles has worked extensively on Curb Your Enthusiasm, and so would be well placed to bring this mockumentary to life.

The TV Character: "Eric, the schoolboy who leads an exciting double life. For when Eric eats a banana, an amazing transformation occurs! Eric...is...BANANAMAN, ever alert for the call to action!"

The Movie Version: A live-action comic-book spoof, starring Bill Hader (or Eric Bana, for name alone) as a grown-up version of the fruit-gobbling superhero. Timothy Dalton co-stars as the villainous Dr. Blight.

Dream Director: Joe Cornish would be brilliant for this. Of all the suggestions on this list, we'd really love to see this happen!

The TV Character: Buffy's bezzie who just happens to be a rather powerful witch. A lesbian to boot, she's probably the series' most interesting character, even if her goofy clowning got a bit tedious at times.

The Movie Version: Everyone is officially sick of vampires on the silver screen, but witches? Well they're still pretty fresh. Angel's small-screen spin-off wasn't up to much but a Willow movie? It could work… and Allyson Hannigan could use the exposure.

Dream Director: Joss Whedon, obviously. Would he be able to resist killing her off though?

The TV Character: The tubby heart and soul of mind-bending mystery series, Lost. Slightly unfortunate over-reliance on the word, "dude".

The Movie Version: This would be a spin-off movie starring Jorge Garcia and Michael Emerson set in the years Hurley spent as the Island's protector. How exactly did he and Ben rule over the island before winding up in that mystical church? It's not as though there isn't a fair bit more that needs explaining…

Dream Director: It has to be Abrams really, doesn't it? If only because nobody else would have the patience!

The TV Characters: Two more from Lost, namely corpse conversationalist Miles and chiselled gag-machine, Sawyer.

The Movie Version: What we'd like to see is a movie of their flash-sideways personas, in which they are working together as a pair of cops. One cop speaks to dead people, the other does the punching, shagging and wise-cracking… it would be big-screen gold! Josh Holloway and Ken Leung are musts, of course.

Dream Director: No need for Abrams twistiness here, so we'd hire Tony Scott to deliver some old-fashioned action thrills.

The TV Character: George Clooney's breakthrough role on E.R. set female hearts aflutter, thanks to his gorgeous doctor with a heart of gold routine. What's so attractive about that?

The Movie Version: E.R. first started life as a movie script by Michael Crighton, so we'd dig that out again, recasting most of the major roles with relative unknowns but making sure there's a cameo involved for gorgeous George.

Dream Director: Apparently, the director initially attached to the project was one Steven Spielberg. Now there's an idea…

The TV Character: One of the primary players in Roswell, a short-lived teen sci-fi series set in the titular American town where several of the inhabitants are aliens, Liz is one half of an inter-species love story with the extra-terrestrial Max.

The Movie Version: With Twilight coming to a close, this one would fill the tweenie love story vacuum perfectly. As for casting, we'll go for Elizabeth Olsen and Josh Hutcherson as Liz and Max.

Dream Director: Marc Webb does faltering first love better than anyone else out there, and as Spider-Man proved, he's beginning to stretch his repertoire to include action too.

The TV Character: A wisecracking pooch whose mission in life (asides from staying cool of course) is to protect his rag-tag pals the dweebs from that mean old dog catcher. Groovy.

The Movie Version: A mixture of CGI and live action, with Owen Wilson on vocal duties as the titular canine. It might not do so well in cinemas, but the DVD release will go down as an instant stoner classic.

Dream Director: David Gordon Green is more than comfortable with this brand of OTT silliness.

The TV Character: Sabrina the teenage witch, an average adolescent who discovers she has a host of magical powers when she turns sixteen.

The Movie Version: This could easily port over to a big screen franchise, with coming of age growing pains made worse by the sudden discovery of magical powers. Is Emma Stone too old to play this role? Possibly, although she passed as a high-school student in Spider-Man, so maybe not!

Dream Director: Jason Reitman could inject plenty of offbeat charm into this one, and we'd like to see him collaborate with Ms. Stone.

The TV Character: There are plenty of forensic scientists clogging up our airwaves, but not many of them are also serial killers on the side. Dexter's strange proclivities certainly separate him from the rest of the pack…

The Movie Version: We'd like more of the same really, including Michael C. Hall as Dexter, although perhaps the big screen version could go even darker. We'd hire Bret Easton Ellis to write the script. After all, there are plenty of nods to his work in the existing show.

Dream Director: Is David Fincher too obvious a suggestion? Well screw it, that's who we're going with.

The TV Character: A fictionalised version of the young Will Smith, who goes to live with his auntie and uncle in Bel Air. Wise-cracking shenanigans ensue.

The Movie Version: Will Smith returns to play himself, a struggling amateur rapper still looking for his big break while living in the spare bedroom of his wealthy and successful cousin Carlton. Wise-cracking shenanigans ensue.

Dream Director: Jay Roach loves a family-centric comedy played out in nice broad strokes.

The TV Character: This barrel-chested, ruthless cop is the star of the show in The Shield. Not as feted as The Wire, it still leaves the majority of cop shows floundering in its wake.

The Movie Version: You could either bring back Michael Chiklis to the role or use Mackey as a loose guideline for a whole new hero, one who is equally conflicted on the grey area of morality that surrounds crime-fighting. Either way, we get to see more fists-first policing!

Dream Director: Joe Carnahan is the go to guy for gritty, pounding action these days, so we'll opt for him.

The TV Character: The tomboyish heroine of British kids show Maid Marian And Her Merry Men, in which she would consistently show up the foppish Robin Hood for a half-witted ponce.

The Movie Version: We'd tone down the laughs somewhat and play this one straight, reimagining Marian as a battle-hardened freedom fighter. Emily Blunt would be an excellent pick for the title role.

Dream Director: Seeing as we're going for a female-centric action theme, we'll plump for Kathryn Bigelow to direct.
 

The TV Character: Axe is the comic relief in spy series Burn Notice, a former Navy SEAL turned con-man turned hired gun. He's played by Bruce Campbell, which automatically cranks him up a few notches in the awesome stakes.

The Movie Version: Sam has already had a TV movie prequel, but since he's the best thing in Burn Notice, we'd like to see him in his own Hollywood adventure. You wouldn't need any of the supporting cast, just Bruce Campbell starring as a washed-up spy who gets embroiled in some sort of international caper. It practically writes itself.

Dream Director: You just know that Sam Raimi would have a whale of a time with this one.

The TV Character: Gordon Shumway is the titular alien life-form from '80s show ALF, a cuddly critter who crash-lands in the garage of a suburban family and sets about trying to eat their cat. Oh Gordon, you are a card!

The Movie Version: Apparently this one is already happening, with Sony planning a live-action / CGI hybrid featuring the original voice of ALF, Paul Fusco. We'd cast Greg Kinnear and Laura Linney as the all-American Tanners, and have them desperately trying to conceal ALF from nosy neighbours and government authorities alike.

Dream Director: Spielberg would be great, although we'll more likely end up with Raja Gosnell, director of The Smurfs.

The TV Character: A cocky, womanising trainee lawyer, Miles helped himself to many of the best lines in seminal twentysomething dramedy, This Life.

The Movie Version: We would definitely recast all the major roles, since the 2007 reunion show was flat out disappointment. We'd cast Jamie Bell as Miles with Andrew Garfield as his neurotiuc pal Egg, and Gemma Arteton as man-eater Anna.

Dream Director: We'd like to see Danny Boyle get his hands on this one. Something nice and low-key after the pomp and ceremony of the Olympics.

The TV Character: The meatheaded former baseball star of Eastbound & Down, who's forced to confront his fall from grace when he takes a job as PE teacher at his old high school.

The Movie Version: This could easily work as a prequel showing Kenny (Danny McBride, naturally) at the peak of his powers, before he gradually fouls everything up and gets himself into the predicament we find him in at the beginning of the TV show.

Dream Director: This one has got Adam McKay's name all over it.

The TV Character: The holographic bunkmate of space traveller Lister, Rimmer was the officious douchebag of the Red Dwarf team, and the funniest to boot.

The Movie Version: We haven't had much in the way of sci-fi comedies of late, but a Red Dwarf movie could put that straight. We'd have only the loosest of adaptations, with Nick Frost, Simon Pegg, Rafe Spall and Jessica Hynes forming the new crew.

Dream Director: We couldn't have that cast without asking Edgar Wright to assume the hotseat, could we?

The TV Character: The high-kicking star of Alias who would find herself acting out a different hair-raising adventure every week, assuming double and even triple identities as the need arose.

The Movie Version: There aren't nearly enough female action heroes on our screens, and Sydney could definitely shoulder a movie on her own. We'd ditch the mysticism though in favour of straightforward real-world thrills. And we'd get Jennifer Garner to return, obviously.

Dream Director: Brad Bird's Mission: Impossible kinetics would make for a decent fit.

The TV Character: The gnarled dungeon-master who presided over children's fantasy adventure gameshow, Knightmare. Sidestep to your left!

The Movie Version: A family-friendly fantasy in which a group of youngsters find themselves trapped in a magical world, where only the completion of a set of taxing puzzles will allow them to return home. Tobin Bell adds an air of menace as the inscrutable Tregard.

Dream Director: Guillermo Del Toro would bring Knightmare to life in suitably macabre fashion.

The TV Character: The wheeling dealing cockney sparrow who's only ever one hair-brained scheme away from becoming a millionaire. In his head, at least…

The Movie Version: If The Sweeney is ripe for a remake, then why not Only Fools And Horses? We'd rework it as a London-based heist movie starring Charlie Creed-Miles as Del and Michael Caine as Uncle Albert.

Dream Director: Guy Richie of course!

The TV Character: Sorry Batman, but Sherlock is the true owner of the title World's Greatest Detective. And while Rathbone enthusiasts might disagree, Benedict Cumberbatch is the ultimate Sherlock.

The Movie Version: Yes, we know that Robert Downey Junior's version has this covered, but we'd love to see Cumberbatch given a full feature to show off what he can do. Luckily for us, each individual episode is approaching movie-length anyway…

Dream Director: Paul McGuigan directs the TV show, and we see no reason to shake that up for a feature length version. He's got plenty of film experience, after all...

The TV Character: The ballsy heroine of the show of the same name, who struggles to solve her own date rape and the murder of her best friend. Typical teen drama, it ain't.

The Movie Version: We'd have the film pick up exactly where the series left off. Having been cancelled rather than completed, there's still plenty of story to tell, and we know the fans would be keen: after all, a protest involving the delivery of 10,000 Mars bars to the studio would suggest there's still an appetite for more! Kristen Bell's career is stalling too, so we're sure she'd be game.

Dream Director: Rian Johnson proved he can do teen noir with Brick. We'd love to see him take the reins here to steer Veronica into even darker territory still…

The TV Character: The ingenious protagonist of Prison Break who gets himself locked up in the same penitentiary as his older brother in order to help him escape.

The Movie Version: The first series of Prison Break was deliciously compulsive, only for the saga to spread itself too thin over the rest of the run. We'd condense the original storyline into a single film for some ludicrously high-concept fun. Wentworth Miller is a touch bland for our liking, so we'd cast Tom Hardy in the role.

Dream Director: Has Frank Darabont had enough of prison movies yet? If not, we can think of noone better for this one.

The TV Character: The jewel in the BBC's sci-fi crown, the Doctor grows steadily more popular from one incarnation to the next, with escalating production values having helped shed the show's shaggy-dog image of years gone by.

The Movie Version: A film is already in the pipeline, although details remain sparse at present. For our money we'd do a completely freestanding storyline, casting a new Doctor for the big screen. We reckon Tom Hiddleston is made of the right stuff.

Dream Director: David Yates has proved his credentials on the Harry Potter series and would be a safe pair of hands to steer this equally well-loved franchise.

The TV Character: Mad Men's queen of office politics, who can reduce a building full of testosterone-charged big-shots to drooling wrecks with that jaw-dropping figure.

The Movie Version: We'd like to see Joan striking out on her own in the '70s, as she joins the women's lib movement and finally begins to gain some recognition for something other than her curves. Although speaking of curves, Christina Hendricks has to stay, obviously.

Dream Director: Pedro Almodovar lives to write strong female characters. Could he be persuaded to work on an English language project? If so, he'd be our first pick.

The TV Character: Cracker's Fitz is a seminal small-screen anti-hero, a boozing, gambling, smoking criminal psychologist with a fine line in making people talk. A genuine badass.

The Movie Version: Much as we love Robbie Coltrane, we'd recast the role for a younger actor, with Michael Fassbender being top of our list. We reckon he could do a vice-ridden criminal profiler rather nicely.

Dream Director: If we're casting Fassbender, we can't look past Steve McQueen to ensure we get the most out of our star.
 

The TV Character: A drug-peddling, put-down-spitting, short order cook with a taste for the flamboyant, Lafayette is easily True Blood's most intriguing character. We want to see more of him!

The Movie Version: Perhaps he could star in a mismatched buddy comedy with Jason Stackhouse, as the two of them attempt to set up a V-dealing business in New York. Nelsan Ellis and Ryan Kwanten's dynamic forms one of the show's more humorous relationships.

Dream Director: We're picturing Shane Black for this one, channeling some of the buddy comedy chops he displayed in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.

The TV Character: Eternally frustrated regional manager of Wernham Hogg paper merchants. You'll never have a boss like him again… somebody who's basically a chilled-out entertainer.

The Movie Version: Basically we just want another 90-minute special with the original cast, catching up on where Brent and the rest of the office are five years later. As a great man once said, "a good idea is a good idea… forever."

Dream Director: Who do you think? It's Gervais and Merchant or not at all.

The TV Character: The lucky man charged with bringing law and order to the gold-mining camp of Deadwood, Seth Bullock is a resolutely unbending presence in a bear pit of moral decay.

The Movie Version: To be honest, we don't want a character-specific spin-off here, we simply want a movie to complete the story told by the three seasons of the show. With HBO declining to renew the show for a fourth outing, many story arcs remain incomplete, a state of affairs we'd love to see resolved. As for casting, we want Timothy Olyphant, Ian McShane, John Hawkes et al to pick up where they left off.

Dream Director: We'd want original creator David Milch to return to finish what he started. Failing that, John Hillcoat wouldn't be a bad option.

The TV Character: Quantum Leap's time-travelling scientist who sets about occupying various different bodies as he fulfils his mission to "put right what once went wrong".

The Movie Version: A feature length adventure in which Sam lands himself in the past and must race against time to get himself back where he belongs. Scott Bakula can drop in for a cameo, but we'd cast Mark Ruffalo as a younger replacement.

Dream Director: Giving a classic sci-fi property a contemporary lick of paint? Somebody call for J.J. Abrams!

The TV Character: The Wire's well-loved stick-up merchant, who makes a living out of robbing drug dealers with his trusty shotgun. How does one survive such a precarious career path? "Day at a time, I suppose." The coolest character from the coolest show ever made.

The Movie Version: We're envisioning a standalone tale set prior to the events of the show. Maybe a revenge drama in which Omar sets about picking off the gang members responsible for the death of one of his boyfriends. Obviously, Michael K Williams will be returning as the main man.

Dream Director: Quentin Tarantino briefly considered Michael K. Williams for the lead in Django Unchained, and we'd love to see them team up here.