7 Most Unexpected Death Scenes
25th Aug 2009 | 00:00
Shocking cinematic demises that slammed our jaws to the floor...
This Friday sees the release of long-awaited, much hyped, highly cerebral literary adaptation The Final Destination, rumoured to be the last installment in the much vaunted series, hence the dramatic and powerful title.
Hands up if you believe this will be the last Final Destination film? Okay, you can put your hands down. We don't buy it for a second.
A good thing too. We've always been fans of the premise, especially the first installment - the sequels have never quite matched up to its Devon Sawa-starring brilliance.
In order to attempt to remedy franchise-lag, the latest episode is presented in fully functional 3D, which means it gets an 'A' for Awesome.
in honor of this landmark release, here are the 7 Most Unexpected Death Scenes, starting with this gem from the original Final Destination...
Oh, and there are spoilers coming up. Obviously.
Actress Catches The Bus… With Her Face
The Film:Final Destination (2000)
The Scene: So a bunch of kids who have cheated Death are arguing about something or other.
Annoyed, Terry (Amanda Detmer) decides to flaunt the rules of the Green Cross Code and steps backward towards the street.
As she turns around… BAM!... Bus to the face.
That’s what you get for deciding you’re too busy to Stop, Look and Listen.
‘Oh-Crap!’-O-Metre: OHHHHH CRAP!!!
Victim’s Last Thoughts: “Man I’m so annoyed right now. I darn right cheesed off. This is just like that time I let the softball coach take pictures of me topless; Embarassing, degrading, yet still a bit of a turn on.
"Mmm, Devon Sawa sure is hot. He’s definitely the next big thing. 10 years from now, forget it, he’ll be…”
Next: Brad Pitt Fails To Cross The Street[page-break]
Brad Pitt Fails To Cross The Street
The Film: Meet Joe Black (1998)
The Scene: After meeting accentually challenged Brit actress Claire Forlani in a coffee shop, Brad Pitt is all pumped with adrenaline from getting his Mac on.
Overjoyed, Pitt does the old look-back in the middle of a busy street, but Claire Forlani isn’t there…
BAM! What is there is a big white truck, which hits Pitt, knocking him into the path of a taxi, which tosses him up in the air like a rag doll and leaves him crumpled in a heap on the road.
‘Oh-Crap!-O-Metre: HOLY CRAP!!!
Victim’s Last Thoughts: “I’m so fucking money right now. So fucking money! I’m like a big bear, with claws and fangs, big fuckin’ teeth, and she’s like this little bunny rabbit cowering in the corner. So money baby. So fucking money.
“I wonder where her accent is from? Why do Americans phrase the question that way, implying that the accent is from a different place than the person? Crazy. It’s probably because…”
Next: Franklin Chews Scenery, Gets Chewed[page-break]
Franklin Chews Scenery, Gets Chewed
The Film: Deep Blue Sea (1999)
The Scene: Russell Franklin (Samuel L. Jackson) is a know-it-all avalanche survivor trying to rally the troops after some toothy fish-things attack the underwater research facility they’re all in.
Positioning his ‘Henry V, Battle of Agincourt’ moment at the edge of the wet pool, Franklin is gobbling up scenery like the stoned bastard offspring of Jack Nicholson and Al Pacino, when all of a sudden…
BAM! Killer sea-based monster creature fish leaps out of the wet pool, grabs Franklin and pulls him into the murky depths... obviously an allegory for the perils of overacting.
‘Oh-Crap!-O-Metre: GOOD GOD DAMN!!!
Victim’s Last Thoughts: “Boy that scenery sure is tasty. Mm mm mmm. That is some tasty scenery. I usually can’t get scenery this tasty, but I do love the taste of some good scenery.
“I wonder what they call scenery in France? I better Google that. I hope nobody notices the plot of this film is mighty ridiculous, perhaps if I raise my voice exponentially throughout, it will hide the fact that…”
Next: Vincent Decorates Car With Marv[page-break]
Vincent Decorates Car With Marv
The Film: Pulp Fiction (1995)
The Scene: Small time drug dealer Marv is riding in the back seat with Jules and Vincent, on his way to be read the riot act by Marcellus Wallace.
Vincent, gun in hand, is ruminating about something or other and turns to ask Marv’s opinion on the matters when…
BAM! The back window explodes in bouquet of Marv’s brain matter, as Vincent’s hair trigger does exactly what it’s supposed to, annoyingly, squeezing off a round right between Marv’s eyes.
‘Oh-Crap!-O-Metre: OOOOOHHH CRAAPPPPP, DAAAAMMMNNNN!!!
Victim’s Last Thoughts: “What the fuck are these jokers talking about. Boy, I wish they’d shut up. Are they coke addicts? Have they spent the last 72 hours drinking coffee and chain smoking?
“They sound like they’ve read way too many comics, and watched way too many films. I hope the cracker with the pony tail dies on the toilet. I wish he’d stop waving that fucking gun around, somebody’s gonna get…
Next: Billy Departs The Elevator[page-break]
Billy Departs The Elevator
The Film:The Departed (2006)
The Scene: Billy (Leo DiCaprio) has been reduced to a sniveling nervous wreck by his undercover assignment, but has managed to get the better of his opposite number, Mafia-pay-rolled Police dick Matt Damon.
Riding down the elevator with the handcuffed Damon, DiCaprio is breath slightly easier, certain he is minutes away from putting the whole matter to bed when…
BAM! The elevator doors open and DiCaprio is immediately capped in the forehead by surprise Mafia-pay-rolled Police dick James Badge Dale.
‘Oh-Crap!-O-Metre: HOLY CRAPBALLS!!!
Victim’s Last Thoughts: “Yes. Fucking yes dude. Yes. I’m done, no more of this undercover nonsense for me. No more listening to Jack Nicholson choke on bits of the set. No more of this Boston brogue. I’m free, dude. Free.
“I’m gonna slam that shrink when I get home. Ooh yeah. Then I’m gonna get some mashed potatoes. I love those creamy mashed potatoes, the kind with cheese in. Fuck this elevator ride is taking forever, I hope…
Next: Brad Pitt Is Trapped In The Closet[page-break]
Brad Pitt Is Trapped In The Closet
The Film: Burn After Reading (2008)
The Scene: Convinced he is hot on the trail of a big payout, brain-cell deprived gym-instructor Chad is searching John Malkovich’s house for something or other when George Clooney turns up.
Hiding in the closet, Chad watches, wincing as the Cloon almost opens the closet a couple of times before…
BAM! George opens the closet, and upon seeing Chad, shoots the grinning simpleton between the eyes in an instinctual reflex.
‘Oh-Crap!-O-Metre: OH CRAP!!! NO WAY!!! DID YOU SEE THAT???
Victim’s Last Thoughts: “My BPM is totally zoning right now bro, my adrenaline is like fully spiking all over the place. My heart is racing like Jeff Gordon with a dead-hooker in the trunk.
“Who is this handsome individual? He looks familiar. He could do with some core work, a little extra cardio maybe, a few less carbs. Nice ass though. Good glutes. A man can do a lot with good glutes. Boy, he sure is…”
Next: Pencil Trick Is More Than Meets The Eye[page-break]
Pencil Trick Is More Than Meets The Eye
The Film: The Dark Knight (2008)
The Scene: At a terribly important meeting of local crime lords with a Batman agenda, troublesome sociopath The Joker turns up to crash the party and inject a little humour into proceedings.
Promising to show the nice audience of gangsters, thugs and killers a magic trick, he jams a pencil into the table as Gamble orders a henchman to show the Clown Prince of Crime the exit…
BAM! Joker grabs the Henchperson by the wrist, places a hand on the back of his head and slams him face first onto the pencil, instantly making the 2B not to be, and adding himself to every movie death list ever.
‘Oh-Crap!-O-Metre: WHAT THE CRAP?!!! DAAAAAAAMN!!!
Victim’s Last Thoughts: “You know what they need? A henchman union. That would be rockin’ sweet. I’m fed up of all this unpaid overtime, the constant threats of violence and dangerous working conditions. Plus, no dental cover.
“Being a henchman isn’t what it used to be, that’s for sure. We should unionise the shit out of this bitch, take us back to the glory days, get a bit of fuckin’ respect, a decent dentist… who is this Joker? Man, I’m gonna…”
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